BatFacebook
by Lolsita
Summary: When the Gotham people sign up on facebook, it can suddenly become quite funny. Rating M because of Jason and Damian. They are crude. Awfully coarse.
1. Chapter 1

**Bruce Wayne** is now friends with **Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne** and 10 others people.

**Bruce Wayne**: Damian, what did we said about Facebook ?

**Damian Wayne**: That old people shoudn't be on it, in due to not embarass their children ?

**Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Jason Todd** and** Alfred Pennyworth** like this.

**Dick Grayson**: He's quite right...

**Bruce Wayne**: Dickie, stop it !

**Barbara Gordon**: Awwwww Daddy and Dickie Wayne !

**Dick Grayson**: I hate you. Both of you.

* * *

**Alfred Pennyworth** likes** Children ? Do you mean "Princess diva" ?**

**Tim Drake**: What does that mean ?

**Jason Todd**: We're absolutely not some Disney princess !

**Damian Wayne**: ...

**Dick Grayson**: Don't.

**Damian Wayne**: Dick is a fucking Princess.

**Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Alfred Pennyworth** and **Bruce Wayne** like that.

**Barbara Gordon**: The devil spawn is right.

**Damian Wayne**: DON'T CALL ME LIKE THAT !

* * *

**Bruce Wayne**: Why does my butler keep on chatting with my children on Facebook ?

**Damian Wayne**: Because he's funnier than you ?

**Absolutely everybody** likes that.

* * *

**Batman** likes **My city, my rules**.

**Superman, Nigthwing, Wonder Woma**n and** Green Lantern** like that.

* * *

**Robin** likes **That Ankward moment when all the seniors come on Facebook**

* * *

**Superman**: Batman, can't you keep your thing quiet ?

**Robin**: I'M NOT A THING, I'M A MOTHERFUCKING HERO WHO CAN BEAT YOUR ASS.

**Oracle** likes **That Ankward moment when a stupid kid believe he can beat up Superman.**

* * *

**Tim Drake**: True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.

**Dick Grayson**: Why would the movie eat my popcorn ?

**Dick Grayson**: Nevermind, I get it.

* * *

Soooooooo, how was it ? Did you like it ? Because I enjoy writing it. So much.

Bye guys, love x.


	2. Chapter 2

Here is more Dick for you _Kagome04_ !

...

Wooow that sounds fucking weird ahahah.

Most of the idea came from Tumblr or twitter or whatever.

I really don't want to tell you how to live your life but hey please. Enjoy.

* * *

**Dick Grayson** likes **Making weird faces in pictures because it's better to look ugly on purpose**

**Dick Grayson** likes **"Your baseball pants are way too tight" said no girl ever**

**Dick Grayson** likes **I can't clean my room because I get distracted by the cool stuff I find**

**Dick Grayson** likes **When the zombie apocalypse is coming, I'll be watching in cute clothes**

**Damian Wayne** likes **How to deal with my brother gayness ?**

* * *

**Dick Grayson**: I'm not gay !

**Damian Wayne**: Yup, Drake told me that too.

**Tim Drake**: But I'm not gay neither !

**Damian Wayne**: Yeah.. You just don't know it for now.

* * *

**Dick Grayson**: Have you ever lost something and thought "If I could just open a portal to another reality where I haven't ost it, I could steal it from me and get it back" ?

**Bruce Wayne**: How do you know that's not the reason you lost it ?

**Dick Grayson**: DAMN

**Alfred Pennyworth**: Stay calm, Master Richard, you just lost it because you're room is a bloody mess.

* * *

**Damian Wayne**: Did the butler just said "bloody" ?

**Dick Grayson**: That's because he's british.

* * *

**Barbara Gordon**: If you marry me, you also marry my bookshelves.

**Barbara Gordon**: Just kidding. Don't touch my books.

* * *

**Dick Grayson** created an event: **Pool party at my house, bring your own pool.**

**Bruce Wayne**: lol no.

* * *

**Dick Grayson** just posted a picture.

**Jason Todd:** That hat make you look like a girl.

**Dick Grayson:** Am I a pretty girl ?

* * *

**Damian Wayne** likes Food.

* * *

**Dick Grayson:** When did we even first discover the concept of glasses ?

**Tim Drake**: There was an egyptian pharaoh walking around in the jewel room and he put two crystals up to his eyes

**Jason Todd:** "WOOOOOOO NEITHOTEP COME LOOK AT THIS"

**Damian Wayne**: "I JUST DISCOVER THE FUCKING HIGH QUALITY"

* * *

**Dick Grayson**: Who invented hugs ? I mean, the first hug would have been so ankward.

**Tim Drake**: "What are you doing ? Why are you holding me ?"

**Dick Grayso**n: "Shhhhh trust me. Don't worry, it will catch it on."

**Jason Todd**: Tim's comments sounds like Damian.

* * *

**Bruce Wayne**: I am tired of those children.

**Damian Wayne**: You made a typo.

**Bruce Wayne**: Where ?

**Dick Grayson**: Replace "those" by "my lovely"

* * *

**Jason Todd**: Have you ever thought about the fact that like 6 people died because Romeo couldn't control his dick ?

**Damian Wayne**: This make it sound like he went round with his dick smacking people to death because he can't control it.

**Barbara Gordon:** Is that not what happened ?

* * *

**Tim Drake** likes **OMG I didn't even knew my brother knew how to read.**

* * *

**Nightwing**: How many times do you think you've seen the same bird twice ?

**Robin**: Wow, that was deep.

**RedHood**: Said your mom.

* * *

**Damian Wayne**: FATHER ! DRAKE STOLE MY LAST COOKIE !

**Tim Drake**: Pfft, you're so jejune. What are you, twelve ?

**Damian Wayne**: Yeah, on a scale of one to ten, bye bitch.

* * *

**Tim Drake** likes **Brains are awesome. I wish everybody has one**.

* * *

**Jason Todd** likes **Interrupt my sleep and I'll interrupt your breathing.**

* * *

**Bruce Wayne** likes **Feet: a device used for finding Legos in the dark**

* * *

**Jason Todd**: WAIT, who the fuck in the house play with Legos ?

**Damian Wayne**: Grayson do.

**Dick Grayson**: Excuse me ?

**Damian Wayne**: Don't lie.

**Dick Grayson**: Okay. It's me.

* * *

**Bruce Wayne** likes **Siblings solidarity.**

* * *

How was this one ? I really enjoyed writing that ahahah.

Of course Damian is the one who play with Legos, but heaven knows if he don't want to tell it to his brothers.

I may do a chapter with more girls, like Barbara, Steph or Helena. Or one with the baddies. Damn that will be funny.

Reviews ? Request ? Hugs ?

Love you x.


	3. Chapter 4

**Stephanie Brown:** What do you feel when there is no coffee ?

**Stephanie Brown:** Depresso.

**Tim Drake:** You're a mess.

**Damian Wayne:** A couple days ago, Dick was driving and he saw a traffic camera flash at him, but he was going the speed limit, so he drove by it 5 more times, thinking it was funny because he was doing nothing wrong, and today, he got 6 tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt

**Bruce Wayne:** Dick Grayson, you're grounded, no more car.

**Dick Grayson:** Wait, I dont live with you anymore !

**Bruce Wayne:** Who cares ?

**Selina Kyle: **Woops.

**Bruce Wayne: **What did you do ?

**Selina Kyle: **Nothing !

**Bruce Wayne:** What did you break ?

**Selina Kyle: **Nothing !

**Bruce Wayne:** Oh, damn, Alfred, count the children !

**Damian Wayne** likes **I wish I was an only child.**

**Dick Gayson **likes **Hate and love are so close.**

**Damian Wayne** likes **My mother is better than yours**

**Jason Todd **likes** Your mother is better than every woman ever**

**Dick Grayson:** I don't understand the saying "You are what you eat". I don't remember eating a sexy beast.

**Nightwing:** You are all now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos

**Superboy: **This is the most hopeful thing i've ever heard.

**Speedy:** What if I die tomorrow and never get my nachos ?

**Superboy:** Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day

**Nightwing:** Go away from my post.

**Alfred Pennyworth: Stephanie Brown** got detention and a letter home, because a boy said to her "Girls don't fart" so she sat on him and farted.

**Oracle:** Windows 8 can suck my dick.

**Blackbat:** Wow, I can't believe how far technology has come.

**Helena Bartellini:** Romeo, Romeo, where the fuck is you, romeo

**Barbara Gordon:** Fuuuuck you, the original line in Romeo and Juliet is "Wherefore art thou" and maybe if you stopped being an assumtion-making bag of fucking asshole, you would know that wherefore DOES NOT FUCKING MEAN "WHERE" WHEREFORE MEANS "WHY" ! SHE'S ASKING WHY HIS NAME IS ROMEO FUCK ALL OF YOU HARD UP THE TOENAIL I TAKE MY SHAKESPEARE SERIOUSLY AS TITS

**Damian Wayne:** Romeo, romeo, why the fuck is you Romeo

**Dick Grayson:** The stars looks so beautiful tonight…

**Barbara Gordon:** Yes, they do.

**Dick Grayson:** But do you know who's even more beautiful ?

**Barbara Gordon:** Aw Dickie…

**Dick Grayson:** Jason.

**Jason Todd** likes that.

**Connor Kent: **Sweatshirts are probably one of my favorite things in the world, like am I wearing a bra ? Probably not cause I'm a guy, but the mystery is still here.

**Selina Kyle: **How many innocent cats have been lifted in the air because of the Lion King ?

**Damian Wayne**: And how many innocent young gentlemen ?

**Tim Drake:** You're neither innocent, nor a gentleman, Wayne.

**Jason Todd:** I hate being told to do something I was already planning on doing. Like, I was all about doing this task, and then you told me to do it and now I am annoyed and this task is now 300x less likely to be completed.


	4. Chapter 3

p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;"Yo guys, it's me. After.. Something like four months, I'm finally back. I'm really really really sorry for the long time, but I had my final exam (which I passed with chance) and then, summer holidays, so I didn't had time to write. /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;"This chapter is longer than the other, and maybe funnier ? The fourth chapter shouldn't be that long to come out. /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;"Hope you enjoy it, because I did, see you at the bottom of the page x./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong Alfred is out of town, so I have successfully eaten burritos for the last four meals. Which all happened before noon./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong Eating this 5 th burrito is not really fun, but I've given up on too many goals in the past and I'm not giving up on another./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong For the 6 th time today, I chated with the lady making my burrito. She laughed when I came in the 3rd time, but now she looks concerned./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDamian Wayne:/strong Damn, Alfie, you need to come back the soonest possible./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongAlfred Pennyworth:/strong Holidays, master Damian. Holidays./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson/strong at strongBruce Wayne:/strong I like you… Do you like me ?/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBruce Wayne:/strong No./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong Oh…br / strongBruce Wayne:/strong You never asked if I loved you./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong Do you love me ?! :D/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBruce Wayne:/strong No./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDamian Wayne/strong likes that./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBarbara Gordon/strong likes strongDefensive Eating: Strategically consuming food for the sole purpose of preventing others from getting it./strong/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongTim Drake/strong at strongBarbara Gordon:/strong Come over./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongStephanie Brown:/strong Do you have good ?/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongTim Drake:/strong Bruce isn't home./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongStephanie Brown:/strong Is he coming back with food ?/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongJason Todd:/strong I wanna date someone cuter than me./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongJason Todd:/strong Saddly./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongJason Todd:/strong I'm the cutest./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongClark Kent/strong at strongDamian Wayne:/strong What do u want to be when you grow up ?/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDamian Wayne:/strong Not you./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongStephanie Brown:/strong Have you ever really thought about how, when you look at the moon, it's the same moon Shakespeare, Marie Antoinette, Van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at ?/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong They all looked at the moon./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong Hey are all dead./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong The moon is killing people./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong Wake up !/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBatman:/strong If babies had the possibility to see the world before birth, we woud have no one in the world, just angry and fat women./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongWonder Woman:/strong Supes, did you hack Batman account again ?/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBatman:/strong No. It's me. Batman. The Night and the Death./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBatman:/strong Fuck you scootboy./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDamian Wayne:/strong I tried to teach my goats to pee in one certain spot by giving them treats when they'd pee in that spot./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong Except that they think that now, whenever they pee, they get a treat./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongJason Todd:/strong So whenever they see him, they pee./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongAlfred Pennyworth:/strong Pavlov is laughing in his grave./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBarbara Gordon/strong at strongDick Grayson:/strong How in hell do you get "Dick" from Richard ?/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongJason Todd:/strong You ask him nicely./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBruce Wayne:/strong JASON/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDamian Wayne/strong likes strongReplace every vowel in your name with oob./strong/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDick Grayson:/strong Doobck./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongTim drake:/strong Toobm./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDamian Wayne:/strong Doobmooboobn/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongJason Todd:/strong Joobsoobn/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongStephanie Brown:/strong Stoobphoobnooboob/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBarbara Gordon:/strong Boobrboobroob/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBruce Wayne:/strong Broobcoob/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongDamian Wayne:/strong I don't know which is better./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongJason Todd:/strong Mine. Me is always better./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongTim Drake:/strong A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it and i started thinking like it was just trying to get food what if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck how would I feel ?!/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongAlfred Pennyworth:/strong Are you okay ?/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"Stephanie Brown: I grew up thinking eminem was my uncle for no valid reason, and when I realized he wasn't, I was so shocked/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBruce Wayne:/strong I always knew you were a weird girl./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongStephanie Brown:/strong Do you still love me ?/p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"strongBruce Wayne:/strong Of course, I do./p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;" /p  
p style="margin: 0in; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;"*Get my head out of the box I was hiding in* Hello ? So... How was it ? Did you enjoyed, as I asked you ? I hope you did. Really. Tell me what you want for the next one okay ? See you soon x./p 


End file.
